Category Archives: old writing

Smarts (age 20)

I didn’t excel in school while I lived in Brooklyn, but when I moved to NJ I suddenly found reasons to think that I was very smart. I did well on tests, knew all the answers to questions, and even … Continue reading

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Chipped Teeth and Metaphors (age 21)

Int, 8th Grade Geography Class, Day “Hey, mon, you studying Africa Mon?” “Yeah, but if we’re studying Africa, why are you talking with a Jamaican accent?”

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Character Name and the Adjective Noun (age 19)

Tom Goddard never thought that college would be like this. That he would actually be friends with the same ethnically diverse group of people that spent their time loitering on the covers of brochures. But here he was, lounging around … Continue reading

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Face/Off: Episode 2 (age 19)

By Ben Kharakh Theme: One’s a cop The other’s a crook They switched faces, But the lab went kaput

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Face/Off: Episode 1 (age 19)

Theme: One’s a cop The other’s a crook They switched faces, But the lab went kaput Now what’s been done They can’t undo So they’re living together On Channel 102

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The Visitor (age 18)

The Poorly Named Mafia was an interstellar crime syndicate renowned for their illegal shenanigans and moderately successful get rich quick schemes. They have been blamed for such crimes as stealing the Space Pope’s Space Miter, which temporarily made the universe … Continue reading

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Killer Pants: The Pants That Kill…You (age 19)

A version of this piece appeared first on Opium Magazine

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Porn Sans Sex (age 19)

This piece also appeared on Yankee Pot Roast

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ADD/Boner (age 19)

Anatomy or physics? Both sounded equally unpleasant to me, but I had to choose one. So, I figured, “Hey, if I take anatomy I can save money on medical bills by practicing self-diagnosis.” By the end of the course my … Continue reading

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Fear and Loathing on the Student Council Campaign Trail (ages 15-17))

I was on the class council in high school. I was president, co-president, and vice-president. I would have gone all the way but I failed to take into consideration that a lot of people don’t care for me.

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