Benkharakh.com

By Ben Kharakh

I was on the class council in high school. I was president, co-president, and vice-president. I would have gone all the way but I failed to take into consideration that a lot of people don't care for me.

Slogans From 2002 Student Council Campaign:

I'm doing it for my own personal gain.

Vote for Ben, he'll be your friend (Note: Ben's friendship is void after election.)

2002 Student Council Speech:

It was full of lies. I said we'd have a carnival.

Slogans From 2003 Student Council Campaign:

I want to vote for Ben like an animal, he gets me closer to God.

Every choice counts, make the right choice, choice Ben.

In Soviet Union Ben votes for you.

2003 Student Council Speech:

The important thing to remember is that the student council exists to help raise money so that things in the future are cheaper, and to raise money we need to have fun. More fun than last year. So much fun that eventually everyone will be sick of fun. Fun will become a nauseas idea that causes people to wince and grimace at the simple thought of it.

Because we’ve learned so much this year, next year will be even better. We’ll remove our foibles and build upon our successes. But it’s not just the people who get elected that are on the council. You and those who lose are as much a part of the council as the president. It wouldn’t be much of a council if it were any other way. If anyone has an idea or would just like to help, you can go to the meetings, talk to the advisor, or a member. Everyone’s on the council, even those who don’t care, but especially those who do, but even more so, those who don’t. Whether I win or not, I’ll help the student council. I have fun at the meetings.

Well, that’s it. No, this is it. This is life; so go out and have a ball, because the world doesn’t move to the beat of just on drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. You take the good, you take the bad, and there you have, Vote Ben, I know I will.*

Slogans From 2004 Student Council Campaign:

Ben killed Cobra Commander. Vote Ben!

The cowbell in Don't Fear the Reaper was Ben's idea. Vote Ben! He knows how to rock

Goro wants to eat your face. Ben just wants to save you money. Make this a flawless victory. Vote Ben!

2004 Student Council Speech:

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a rash. And that rash is injustice. It’s an injustice how expensive yearbooks are and I will do everything in my power to make them cheaper because I’m not willing to pay seventy dollars for pictures of me sneaking into pictures of you, which is one reason I put a lot of effort into student council. Because I’m cheap. I’m so cheap that when I got poison ivy, I went to the store, saw medication, saw the price, thought it over, and left without it. So when the time comes to get those nylon graduation dresses, they’ll be free. And there will be plenty of free stuff next year when we get to spend all of the money we made. So much stuff it’ll clog your pores.

But we can still make more money. I’m willing to sell ice cream every week during lunch if it’ll get us a few hundred bucks, and if I have to make a huge mess that someone else cleans up, then so be it. When I'm working, yes, I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you. And when the money comes in for the work I do I'll pass every penny on to you. Yes: I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to vote Ben.

*This is a bit from Family Guy.