Growing up, I often accompanied my father on various business trips. And what business was that? Amway! I wanted so much to be like my father that in the 5th grade I even went as far as trying to indoctrinate some of my friends into the business. We’d be playing with our toys and one of them would say, “This is fun.” And I’d say, “It sure is. And we could have fun forever if we were financially independent!”
My father and I would drive to and fro, listening to motivational tapes. One of my favorite quotes was, “So, I’m talking to this guy and he says, ‘Me and my wife. We’re poor, but we’re happy.’” And the audience’s response was to erupt in laughter because, to them, only financial independence could lead to happiness. This was an audience full of people that were fighting for economic sovereignty and to not give up in the face of adversity, well, that’s what makes you a winner. This was an audience full of winners! And this guy’s claiming that he’s “poor, but happy,” why, that’s the attitude of someone who’s settling, giving up- a loser. And a happy loser is as silly as a duck smoking a fine cigar. What’s that duck doing with that cigar?! It’s got no lips. It can’t pucker or enjoy its rich, bold flavor. It’s funny! Ha ha!
Amway somehow managed to incorporate the Bible into its scheme, although I’m not quite sure where multilevel marketing makes an appearance in the bible. Leviticus, perhaps. “If a man is to lay with another man he will be unclean. Clean him with Amway brand soap.” Or perhaps The Book of Exodus, where Moses said these famous words, “Let my people go! Financially. I mean financially.”
On those long car trips with my father, I’d contemplate my own motivational tapes. “At eighteen, I joined Amway and that’s when I really got on the road of life. Before that, I was just sitting in the driveway of life. I’d get ready to leave, but then run back into the house of life because I had forgotten something- a pair of life glasses, some life water to drink, but, really, I had to learn more life lessons. Well, I’ve learned plenty of life lessons and I’m ready to get on the road. I’m going to face a lot of obstacles: tolls, gas stations, potholes, but I’m also going to savor the trip because I don’t want life to pass me by. I know that gas is expensive these days and that some people can’t afford to keep their tanks full. So they pull off the road of life and start working to get more gas, but they also need a place to live, so they work more, and then they start a family, and now they definitely can’t afford to get back on the road. They work while the road of life passes them by. I look at Amway like triple A. If I’m running low on gas, they’re gonna help me keep my tank full and then I don’t have to make any stops. I don’t know about you, but I like driving and with Amway on my side I can see myself reaching the end of the road real quick. And if you believe it, you can achieve it!”