A drunk stumbles into the high school auditorium while the Multicultural Club prances around.
Wheel Chair Bound Student:
Look, a drunk! Gather ’round everybody!
I’ve never seen an episode of Glee
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People as a Need
I recently read an essay by philosopher Len Doyal called A Theory of Human Need. For Doyal, needs are what, “must be satisfied to some degree before people can effectively participate in their form of life to achieve any other valued goals.” I.E. Needs are the prerequisites of any activity in any culture. And even though everything people do is because of, with, through, and for other people, Doyal doesn’t explicitly include people in his list of needs.
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The Cat Thing
The rule is: if you’re trying to turn left at a four-way intersection, you have to wait for all the cars to pass. Not everyone knows this rule, apparently, because I’ve been honked at for not driving into oncoming traffic. Rather than get angry at the person honking, I just think, “They don’t know any better. They’re a cat.”
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My Absence Explained
I haven’t updated in a while because in the time that I spent working on my thesis, I unintentionally cultivated in myself the sort of habits that don’t lend themselves to writing jokes. “Have you heard this one: MacDonald’s is coming under fire for having marketing that’s too effective…At first it seems like a specious claim but I think it’s more complicated than it appears. DAMN IT!”
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Glenn Beck FAQ
This piece got lost in the shuffle from the old site to the new. I wrote it a while ago with my friend Dan.
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And Now a Message from a Crazy Homeless Guy
I was reading a biography of Wittgenstein while sitting on the steps of the James Farley Post Office when a homeless man started mumbling to himself about how somebody was a, “faggot motherfucker.” He grew louder, I turned my head, and saw him looking in my direction. Was the “faggot motherfucking faggot” me?
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The Story of WW2
Here’s another sketch I wrote with Gerber.
EXT. RALLY DAY
Hitler speaks at a Nazi rally.
HITLER
We’re going to fight a war against the whole world!
No More Smiles for Candy
Last month, I took my grandmother to the doctors’ quite a bit. Not because she was sick, but because she was negligent. She was a nameless face at a hospital clinic, reporting every six months to be rushed out as quickly as possible from the premises. Even phone calls with her doctor felt rushed! Sensing, then,that her care was inadequate, my grandmother and I decided to schedule an appointment with a Russian speaking doctor.
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Guy Who Loves to Stab
I’m working on this one character. He’s a guy who loves to stab. I can imagine there are some people who knowingly commit crimes and enjoy doing so, but this guy just loves stabbing. He can’t get enough of it!
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