Where have I been for the last year? I’ve been taking a lot of improv classes, I took a 27-day cross-country road trip with my girlfriend, and I’ve eaten at least thirty slices of cake. It’s called living, people. TRY IT SOME TIME. But, wait, none of that means I couldn’t have been writing stuff here this whole time. What gives? I have no good answer to that.
I think the biggest obstacle to my keeping a blog is that it’s really difficult to crank out consistently high quality work on a regular basis. “You’re not putting out genius on an irregular basis either.” You’re right! From this point forward, I will try to put out crap a few times a week. “You could try to be good too.” Nope! No time for that. I’m giving you the written equivalent of dysentery.
In fact, how ’bout I do some one-person improv and write down the results. No, I do this all the time while walking around. Trust me! Granted, I’m in bed right now, resting my head on 4 pillows (it’s called livin’!), but I can still do it. The suggestion is, “drawers”.
Oh my God, I can’t believe I have to draw hundreds of frames by hand.
Yeah, what is this, a Taiwanese sweatshop?!
Mrs. Martha is insane, making us do these crazy assignments so that we can “be more connected to other people”.
Mrs. Martha walks into the classroom, raps the tables with a ruler, and kneels aggressively.
Jeff, Franklin, do either of you two want to be taken outside and beaten for insubordination?
No Mrs. Martha.
Good. Now get back to work.
But I have to go to the bathroom!
Go in your diaper.
But I’m not a baby!
Neither are the Taiwanese laborers that work so hard to make your Spongebob cartoons, but that’s just how life is in a radically unregulated free-market!
The game of that scene was going to be a teacher forcing her young students to act out scenarios to demonstrate the value of empathy and compassion, like that book The Wave. I haven’t read it either, but I know people who have–it’s about a teacher who divides his class up into Nazis and Jews to teach them about the Holocaust. Pretty funny stuff! Now, I don’t know very much about sweatshops in Taiwan or who makes Spongebob, but I do know that no one’s going to sue me for libel.
I won’t be transcribing improv all the time for you–you would be so lucky–but that right there is a demonstration of why I should be able to maintain new posts on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
I can also give my opinions on stuff and write about my feelings. For example: I’m pumped about mowing the lawn in 94-degree heat. It’s gonna be sweet! I’m gonna work up a nice sweat, burn some calories, listen to some podcasts, and make the neighbors feel hot by proxy. What am I doin’ bloggin’ all that?! Those are Tweets! Has irony ever motivated how you do your chores or make your eating decisions? A blog post for another day!
See you soon!