I had been submitting to an online magazine through E-mail and would get a reply about every week. Then, one day, it just so happened that the editor was online at the same time as I was, so I submitted a lot of stuff. Of course, he didn’t read most of it since the following exchange took place in the time period of roughly one hour. The comments are unedited.
Second Submission:
Hi – thanks for sending something again – I don’t think I’m going to post this one. I liked the bees in the bed stuff but wasn’t interested in the bathroom so much. Sorry. But so it goes. Maybe someone else will like it. Anyway, please send more stuff whenever you get a chance. And thanks again for sending this.
Eleventh Submission:
hi. so. the thing is. you keep sending “humor” submissions. with “humor” submissions, it’s cut and dry: either the reader finds it funny or not. if the submission that’s intended to be “funny” does not make this reader laugh out loud at least once, this reader does not accept the so-called “humor” submission. It’s more difficult to get a “humor” submission accepted, as well, because this reader is on guard against laughing, because he knows the submission is trying to be funny, which really winds ups being almost never funny. Luckily, there are techniques a writer can use, for example a little something called the straightfaced set-up, wherein a situation is presented that at first seems serious, then like a left hook, a joke or two comes through unexpectedly. When you’re just sort of scattering jokes around, most of them not really all that amusing, the “humor” element gets diffused or watered down or whatever, I think, and does the opposite of what you intend to do, right? you want to make people laugh, you want to entertain – a wonderful impulse — but the question becomes something about what’s the best and often totally humorless strategy to make your writing entertaining and laughable: maybe think about some strategies – analyze some things you’ve read you find funny and try to figure out why the hell they’re funny. or something. i don’t know. no one knows. good luck with it though. it should be fun.
Fourteenth Submission:
You’re starting to scare me. First, I’ve rejected nine submissions today. Second, I responded personally, sort of, to which you sent another unfunny submission with the same lame bio, not even acknowledging what I wrote. Third, you’re canadian. I really can’t tell you how much it amazes me how clueless canadian web writers can be. Very disappointing, all but a handful. So. Have you ever heard that thing about how insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? That’s exactly what you’ve been doing! Which leads me to believe you’re either someone I know having some fun, mentally retarded, or under the age of twelve.
Fifteenth Submission:
Please stop sending submissions. I’m not going to accept any of these, ever. Why? They’re not what I post. Look at some of the things on the site. You’ll see. Maybe try again in many months when you’ve written some new things. Good luck.
How many times has this happened to you?
How many times has someone been rejected ten times in one day? I’d say three times. One of those people has gone on to do good things. The other two haven’t. How often are you rejected ten times in one day? Also, how old are you? I really get the sense you’re not old enough to drive.
Age is moot.
Whatever. If you’re not a teen or a Canadian, it’s worse. Please don’t bother submitting ever again. Thanks.
